Ratchet's whole body goes tense at the mention of 'absolution', but he doesn't pull away again, his optics narrowing.
"You're the one who wanted to know what the 'fresh hell' was going on," he snaps--as close as he ever gets to snapping, with her. "If you want to hear a 'glowing testimonial' on Drift's behalf, I'll tell you his name used to be Deadlock and you can let me know if that means anything to you. And when I say that everyone who was alive when we got to Delphi made it out, I meant everyone. Pharma showed up a few months later, on Luna-1. Tyrest had picked him up and given him new hands, so when we showed up he kidnapped and--" He hiccups over a word, one hand coming up unconsciously to press over his windscreen, protective against scratches he can't still feel but that he knows are there, through layers of metal and wires and glass.
"And tortured me," he continues, his vocalizer only slightly frayed, "murdered Ambulon and left his leaking corpse for me to try to 'fix', then apparently laughed about the whole thing--Delphi, Ambulon, all of it--to First Aid, who blew his head off. And rightfully so--it's something I should have done then, instead of leaving him to fall like a coward.
"So, if you wanted a quick rundown of what's been 'going on' with me in particular, there you have it. That's it." His voice is almost savage, but he doesn't really sound angry with her--just... angry in general. Grieving in general. Hurt in general, refusing to allow himself to focus too acutely on any one wound, too used to not having the time or the luxury to reopen any of them, even to let them heal properly.
"Tarn's here, and Pharma's here and he remembers all of it, and instead of trying to make up for the dozens--hundreds--he murdered outright let alone everyone he tried to slaughter with the killswitch, the first thing he does is go and hack First Aid's arm off, for some stupid, petty 'revenge.' So, yeah, forgive me if I'm 'jumping at shadows.' It's been that kind of year."
no subject
"You're the one who wanted to know what the 'fresh hell' was going on," he snaps--as close as he ever gets to snapping, with her. "If you want to hear a 'glowing testimonial' on Drift's behalf, I'll tell you his name used to be Deadlock and you can let me know if that means anything to you. And when I say that everyone who was alive when we got to Delphi made it out, I meant everyone. Pharma showed up a few months later, on Luna-1. Tyrest had picked him up and given him new hands, so when we showed up he kidnapped and--" He hiccups over a word, one hand coming up unconsciously to press over his windscreen, protective against scratches he can't still feel but that he knows are there, through layers of metal and wires and glass.
"And tortured me," he continues, his vocalizer only slightly frayed, "murdered Ambulon and left his leaking corpse for me to try to 'fix', then apparently laughed about the whole thing--Delphi, Ambulon, all of it--to First Aid, who blew his head off. And rightfully so--it's something I should have done then, instead of leaving him to fall like a coward.
"So, if you wanted a quick rundown of what's been 'going on' with me in particular, there you have it. That's it." His voice is almost savage, but he doesn't really sound angry with her--just... angry in general. Grieving in general. Hurt in general, refusing to allow himself to focus too acutely on any one wound, too used to not having the time or the luxury to reopen any of them, even to let them heal properly.
"Tarn's here, and Pharma's here and he remembers all of it, and instead of trying to make up for the dozens--hundreds--he murdered outright let alone everyone he tried to slaughter with the killswitch, the first thing he does is go and hack First Aid's arm off, for some stupid, petty 'revenge.' So, yeah, forgive me if I'm 'jumping at shadows.' It's been that kind of year."