video;

[officerjuicebox]

[With literally zero preamble, the camera clicks on to show the Roller's profile as he apparently talks to something off-screen.]

C'mon little guy, we live in the middle of a city with giant, crazy bots everywhere. You've got to get your tailpipe across this road.

[The camera swings around to the small, barely active drone huddled up in the middle of a street, curled up like a turtle.]

[There's a beat. And then Roller's voice (muffled and lowered) speaks up again:]

Leave me alone, you big weirdo!

[Cue the camera swinging back to Roller again, who just shakes his head.]

Nah, he's not gonna do it.

[Then the big bot just... cracks up, like he just told the best joke ever, before turning the camera off.]

[This has been: Shitposting with Officer Roller.]

Comments

[primebyproxy]

…Wh–?

[What just happened here?]

[officerjuicebox]

Hi.

[WAVE.]

I got bored and made a friend.

[primebyproxy]

I… congratulations?

[Magnus smiles awkwardly because what else does he do?]

On your friend, I mean. Not the boredom.

[officerjuicebox]

Hey, it's fine. I get you.

... Want to meet him?

[primebyproxy]

[Isn't that just a drone?]

I'm – I don't think that's a good idea.

[Magnus tends to make a mess of things.]

[officerjuicebox]

How come? It's just a drone, it's not like it's going to eat you.

[primebyproxy]

I don't mean that.

[To be fair, it's just a drone. Magnus looks down and away from the camera, embarrassed. This is hardly the time to be self-conscious.]

I'm sorry.

[officerjuicebox]

Hey, whoa, it's okay, no harm done.

Just... figure some kind of silly scrap is better than all the drama.

[primebyproxy]

…It is better.

[Not quite a smile. Close though. Magnus has had plenty of drama and pain in his life.]

[officerjuicebox]

Hey, great! Sooo...

Ever seen one of these little guys before?

[primebyproxy]

Iiiiiiin passing?

[Puzzled headscratch.]

Never up close. Why?

[officerjuicebox]

Look how cute it is.

[He'll duck off-camera, and then pop back up holding it.]

See?

[primebyproxy]

[Smiling at this sort of thing is not Professional. Laughing at this sort of thing is definitely not Professional.

But it's so absurd and light-hearted and nice that a chuckle bursts out before he realises it. He dissolves into mild panic almost instantly.]

I'm sorry! I don't mean to laugh at you! I mean I'm not laughing at you, it's just – that is to say, it's…

[officerjuicebox]

Whoa, whoa, easy there...

It's okay! I was trying to be funny. Don't short out over there.

[primebyproxy]

I'm not!

[He's managed to get past that particular stage at least. But now it's 'awkwardly trying not to make himself look incompetent and stupid whilst also not being rude' time. It's not an easy dance and he hates doing it, but it's habit after so many thousands of years.]

I just… I don't want to give the impression that I'm laughing at you.

[Roller's been nothing but friendly. It would be rude to laugh at him.]

[officerjuicebox]

Uh... if I'm trying to be funny, it's really okay to laugh at me, you know?

[Oh my god.]

[This is worse than trying to hit on Optimus.]

[primebyproxy]

[No-one in his time is this understanding or forgiving, at least towards Magnus. They need him to be too much, and they need him to be too unwavering.]

I… I meant I didn't want you to think I was mocking you.

[officerjuicebox]

Um.



I didn't think that at all?

[primebyproxy]

…

[Oh.]

Oh.

[Well, at least Magnus can voice that concern now instead of simply letting it run on repeat in his head? That's… that's good. This is good.

He smiles, just a little smile, embarrassed but relieved.]

I'm not very good at this, am I?

[officerjuicebox]

Hey, it's not that big of a deal. I mean, my partner was... waaaay more oblivious than you.

He still sort of is.

[primebyproxy]

Your partner?

[officerjuicebox]

Yeah. I was a cop, back home. Pax was my partner.

... except now I guess he's a Prime, so. That's weird.

[primebyproxy]

…I know that feeling.

[officerjuicebox]

Oh, yeah?

Weird isn't it? And kind of awful.

[primebyproxy]

[It's like he knows.]

Awful is a good way to describe it.

[officerjuicebox]

... Uh.

Did I hit a nerve or something? Beeeecause that really wasn't what I meant to do here.

[primebyproxy]

No. No, it's fine.

[It feels good to be able to say what he thought about losing his brother. Never been able to do that.]

I'm sorry to have brought it up, but it's fine. No harm done.

[He stops and blinks. Then he points behind Roller.]

Your friend just moved.

[officerjuicebox]

Again, not upset. So... no need to be sorry.

[He whips his head around, and then -- well. It's his turn to laugh.]

Hey! Look at that! That's the spirit!

[phase6kindofbot]

You should name it.

[There is just a bare hint of amusement in Sixshot's tone.]

[officerjuicebox]

Oh yeah? Got any ideas?

[Hey he's okay with this.]

[phase6kindofbot]

Not really. Something funny, I guess?

[Sixshot is very helpful.]

[officerjuicebox]

Huh.

[He glances down to where the drone is slowly scooting its way across the road, finally.]

Speedy?

[phase6kindofbot]

That is a beautiful name.

[officerjuicebox]

I seriously can't tell if you're joking or not.

[phase6kindofbot]

You will never know.

[officerjuicebox]

Wow, who leaked dirty oil in your energon this morning?

[phase6kindofbot]

[Sixshot just gives Roller a mysterious little masked smile before turning off the feed.]