robothell | (no subject)

That Rodimus can't even look him in the eye tells Drift how bad it is, how distraught he is. Drift's optics dim, his posture slackening as the weight of it only settles on him further. He can't imagine what Ratchet must have said to Rodimus.

"Don't you think I deserve to know about that?" Drift says quietly, but there's no accusation in his voice, no bitterness. His voice is tinged only with sorrow. "That I had a hand in the deaths of so many of our crew -- our friends? Don't you think I needed to know that?"

He'd been opposed to the idea from the start, thought it was idiotic and irresponsible, but whatever Rodimus says, he shares responsibility for what happened. He'd gone along with it in the end. When Chromedome had refused to cooperate, Drift had agreed to waiting until the time was right to convince Chromedome -- no, manipulate -- into helping. Drift doesn't know if that ever worked in the end, but it doesn't really matter. The entire plan had failed.

"Do you think I was going to leave if you told me?"

"It hasn't happened to you yet." That's not a good excuse, and voicing it only makes it seem more hollow than it did in his head. After telling him everything he already had, the omission of Overlord is a glaring oversight and one Rodimus knows he can't argue his way out of. Doesn't stop him from trying. "Why should you have to deal with something that hasn't happened?"

Better to keep Drift from knowing the truth. Especially since he was exiled because of a lie that he told, no matter how many time Drift would insist that that was how it was supposed to go. Rodimus refuses to accept that now; not when he has a second chance.

"I don't know. Maybe?" Yes. The answer is yes. "Whatever it was, I didn't want you to do it." Wanting things to be how they were, just for a moment, shouldn't have been too much to ask. "I lost you because of Overlord once, Drift. I couldn't risk it a second time."

"But it has happened." Drift's optics are intent on Rodimus' face, as if he can entreat his best friend to look at his face by sheer will alone. He wants Rodimus to look at him, not to stare him down but so that he'll understand where Drift's coming from, what he's feeling. "Even if I don't remember it, that doesn't change the fact that it happened. If you hadn't told me -- if Ratchet hadn't -- someone would have, sooner than later. And I'd rather have heard it from you."

Drift doesn't want Rodimus to feel guilty -- he really doesn't, because more guilt is the last thing Rodimus needs, he knows. He knows how much time and energy Rodimus pours into trying to prove himself in other people's eyes. But Rodimus doesn't need to prove himself to Drift, not anymore, and Drift doesn't ever want him to feel like he needs to hold back.

He pries the hand on his arm away, wrapping his own around it instead. His grip is firm but not unyielding, fingers curling over the back of Rodimus' hand.

"You're not going to lose me," he says quietly, and there's a fierceness to those words at odds with the soft tone of his voice. "Rodimus, look at me -- that's not going to happen. I'm not going anywhere."

There isn't any resistance from Rodimus, and his grip shifts the moment he feels Drift take his hand - mirroring his actions, although his thumb rubs idle patterns across the black plating of Drift's hand. Staying still isn't one of his strengths and he's always moving, even in little ways. But his optics flicker from the wall to their hands and finally to Drift's face.

Something in his expression crumples; he just can't keep his face blank for any longer. "Drift..." A deep, shuddering intake of air that rattles his armor. "You told me to do it."

Exile him, and if Rodimus is going to tell Drift, then he figures he might as well tell him the entire thing. "I was going to come clean, tell everyone - and you told me that I should say that you were the one that brought Overlord on board." And he came clean anyway, and was still captain in the end. So it was pointless. Pointless..

Drift's relieved that Rodimus holds onto his hand, appreciates that he stays still with Drift long enough to have this conversation. Drift keeps his gaze steady on Rodimus' face, not to challenge or intimidate him but just to remind Rodimus that he's here. No surprise registers in his optics at this new information, only a solemn understanding.

"I knew it wasn't your idea," Drift says softly, although somehow his voice doesn't sound so heavy anymore -- it's lighter, almost relieved. He tightens his grip on Rodimus' hand, just to steady him, because Drift can tell this is hard for him. "I knew it had to be something I came up with, Rodimus, because I know you wouldn't choose to send me away like that."

Drift vents out slowly, none of the rattle that's in Rodimus', anchoring him. "I think I know why, too. Rodimus -- you don't have anything to blame yourself for."

Optics dimming slightly, when Rodimus speaks next his voice is more sure, more steady. "You didn't have to, Drift. I held a vote later, after telling them everything, and I won. You didn't have to leave."

And maybe that's what really bothers him - the idea that Drift didn't have to take the fall for him to remain captain. As if he's even captain anymore now that Megatron seems to be intent on undermining him and just being Megatron on his ship. Never Megatron's ship. His. But there's some comfort in the fact that Drift knows it wasn't his idea, that Drift knows he wouldn't just throw Drift off the Lost Light.

He knows that Drift didn't do it for him, the other had made that clear when he left. But Drift says he knows why so Rodimus leaves that alone; thinking it better left unsaid if at all possible. If he can get away with it.

Ugh, Ratchet would probably yell at him wouldn't he.

"I know." Drift's voice is a quiet sigh, a distant echo of future weariness on his face, but he looks oddly at peace. His hand doesn't leave Rodimus' shoulder, still clasping tight. He wants Rodimus to know he's here -- that that isn't about to change any time soon, even if he doesn't agree with Rodimus about his own exile. "Ratchet told me. I know. But that doesn't mean what I did wasn't necessary."

He frowns, and apparently the conversation with Ratchet hadn't completely erased all the bad feeling between them. "Ratchet would." Is he still bitter about Ratchet wanting him gone? Yep. Absolutely.

"How can you say that? You belong with us, on the Lost Light." Drift is an Autobot, just as he is or Ratchet is and certainly better than Megatron is. Hell, if everyone's letting Megatron be an Autobot then Rodimus doesn't ever want to hear anyone casting doubts upon Drift's loyalty ever again. New rule, once they get back to his ship.

Edited 2015-01-19 01:04 (UTC)

"It doesn't matter if I belonged or not. It doesn't matter if you came clean about it later -- because I'm glad you did. I am. Everyone else, I think they deserved to know, given what happened."

Drift vents out slowly, knowing this is hard for Rodimus, but he knows he'd put his foot down in the future, too. He doesn't see any reason to waver from that resolution now. He'd like to believe in his future self.

"I know I haven't lived to see it yet, that all of this is secondhand, but...I think I did what I did because it was necessary at the time. If I thought it was a good idea for you to come clean to the crew right then, I don't think I'd have left."

Drift leans against Rodimus a little, his optics dimming. "But that doesn't mean I'm not glad to be here, Rodimus -- that I'm back, for you, even if I haven't had a chance to miss you like that yet."

Drift might be leaning a little, but Rodimus practically slumps, wrapping one arm around Drift - turning in his face to rest against the smooth metal of Drift's pauldrons. The ache in his spark eases slightly, and he lets out a sigh and a rush of air as he just clings to the other bot. He's missed this, the comfort that comes from having someone like Drift there for him. And not because it's like Rung or Ratchet would accuse him of - that he missed Drift always telling him what he wants to hear because that's not true. Well, okay, not completely true. Because he's trying, he is, and he knows he needs someone to not do that.

Drift is different, because Drift knows what it's like to do something you regret and have to live with it. And right now? Rodimus could use that more than anything.

"You were just as unreasonable when I told you not to do it," he admits, coming to realize that arguing with Drift about this is pointless. But the 'for you' makes something twist awkwardly in his tanks - grip tightening slightly as soon as he says it. "Yeah."

Drift almost feels bad for having left -- that he does so in the future, anyway -- even if he believes it was necessary. But seeing how much Rodimuns relies on him for support, in greater clarity than he ever has...Drift hopes he won't have reason to deprive Rodimus of that again.

He smiles faintly, because he's not surprised his future self put his foot down about it. He lets Rodimus cling to him for a moment before he shifts, turning to tug Rodimus into a proper hug, pulling Rodimus to rest against him, if he wants, as Drift sits back on the edge of the fountain a little. He can see Rodimus is struggling with this.

"I'm here to support you, Rodimus," he says simply. "And it's not like I could leave the planet even if I wanted to. But I don't want to, anyway. I think this is where I need to be right now."

Of course he wants to, and he does - pressing his face against Drift's plating as he holds the other bot. He's silent for a moment or two, uncharacteristically so, before his lips curl up into a smile. "Good, or else I might have to order you to stay." He'd never actually do it, but it's the thought that counts.

Pushing himself away from his friend, Rodimus's hand lingers on his arm for longer than is probably necessary, only falling away when Rodimus gives a small huff of laughter. I think this is where I need to be right now. It's so Drift he can't help himself.

"Does that count for all of us? Because I think I need to be back trying to save Brainstorm from killing Optimus. It's kinda important."

He's ruining the moment.

Drift still looks deeply troubled by that whole thing with Brainstorm, but his optics dim, turning thoughtful. "What if he's here too, though? I think we're here for a reason, Rodimus -- and whatever that reason is, whatever the force behind it, I don't think it'd allow Brainstorm's plans to go unchecked."

Drift hopes so, anyway. But he believes in the importance of Rodimus' destiny, and it's hard to convince himself that all of this is mere coincidence.

"I think we should split up, see who else is here. It wouldn't hurt to keep ourselves well appraised, particularly if Brainstorm's been up to something while I've been away."

"He is," Rodimus admits, rubbing the back of his helm. "I tackled him to the ground in his alt and he kicked me in the face. Long story." It's been a day to say the least.

But Drift's conviction is nice, even if Rodimus doesn't find himself agreeing. He'll just deal with it when it comes - like he always does. Well, maybe with a little bit more planning this time. There's only so many things that can go wrong in one day and he thinks he hit the limit. "Let any crew members know we'll have a meeting sometime soon. Just to catch everyone up."

Ugh. This means he's going to have to talk to Megatron again. Ugh.

But one more thought occurs to him: "Hey, you got anywhere to stay yet?"

Man, okay, Drift really doesn't know what's up with Brainstorm's whole evil time travel nonsense, but kicking Rodimus in the face? Not cool.

"I think an organized gathering is the way to go," Drift agrees, nodding. "That way we can bring everyone together, get a solid head count -- and raise morale. If we're all together, it's easier to keep everyone thinking positive. And keep an eye on Brainstorm, too."

Sorry, Rodimus, we all have to do things we don't like. Drift wouldn't really be crazy about talking to Megatron either, though.

"Huh? No, not yet. Haven't really had a chance to look around for any place to stay."

"Not sure what we're gonna do about him. I mean the original plan was to follow him back in time and punch him until he stops doing whatever it is he's doing. But he's playing innocent now."

Maybe they should ask him to take off his mask? Just to be certain. They can do that at the meeting then, he's decided this.

"Great, then you can stay with me." That won't be a problem, right? It's a sign of how much time has passed and how much Drift has missed that he pauses and adds: "If you want to."

Drift raises a not-eyebrow at that hedge, somewhat uncharacteristic of Rodimus, but it's not exactly a bad thing. He smiles, his optics brightening at the prospect. Why wouldn't he room with Rodimus? It's kind of a fun idea, honestly. The Lost Light had been big enough for them both to have their own quarters, particularly since Rodimus got the captain's cabin, but here in the ruined city, it's probably safe to say there aren't as many comfortably inhabitable places to stay. Besides, it's good to stay close.

"Of course I want to," Drift says readily, nudging Rodimus's shoulder. "I take it you've found a place to stay, then?"

"Near the center of the city, great view of a bunch of destroyed buildings."

It's prime real estate, what can he say? But Rodimus grins at Drift's acceptance, shoving the voice of doubt that threatened to say but what if he didn't want to, after everything you didn't tell him aside. He doesn't have time for that and it's not even true now that Drift has said he would. Of course Drift would, it's Drift.

"I'll comm you the coordinates later and we can meet up again around sunset," he says, to give them plenty of time to cover as much ground as possible.

"Sounds good to me," Drift says, and there's a trace of relief in his voice. He'd come to talk to Rodimus with a heaviness in his spark, and he'd been hurt but not angry -- but it was hard to stay that way, after talking to Rodimus. It still hurt, that Rodimus had kept that from him, but all Drift really wanted to know was that it had been done with good intentions, if he was going to do it at all. And Drift knows now that Rodimus understands how it'd made him feel, and he doesn't think Rodimus would do that to him again.

He turns a half-step away, one hand on the hilt of his sword, but he pauses to smile and wave. "I'll see you at the new place, then. I can't wait to check it out."